I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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