How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
