Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
honey bunches of taint.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm experimenting with sincerity
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
