It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
