those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
