hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
