so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My vagina just recognized that song.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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