is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I could make wine with my vomit
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
