The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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