Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
