Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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