I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
operation have a gay friend backfired
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he fucked my hip out of place.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
