after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize