If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
