if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Can I color on your dick again?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
