my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize