I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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