I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
