If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize