I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
