You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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