Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
