I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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