k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
