I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
