hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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