it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
