Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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