who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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