While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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