do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
