next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
