there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
