I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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