so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
