I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Two words: nipple clamps
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