It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
