So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
