Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
