It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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