why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize