I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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