I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
