i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
