when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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