Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just found puke in my bra..
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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