who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
