She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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