Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
