no, he came in my armpit
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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