That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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