I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
