he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
