There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
