don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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