umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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