It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
