thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
