so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I need moral support for this bender
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
