Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
