she was so not down for the gang bang
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
