That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I need to calm my uterus...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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