I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
