I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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