my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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