I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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