Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
