were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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