I heard we made out
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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