how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
