So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
