They have a pepper shaker for pot.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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