all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
