can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
