The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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