Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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