Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I cannot find my penis.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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