just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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