Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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