Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
