So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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