My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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