absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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