I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
